What makes life so unexpected? What causes events to occur when you least expect them? These are all things that I find myself questioning because of a serious of events that have been my life. They are not things that are meant to make me feel defeated, granted there are the days that I feel this way.
A few of my friends have joked and said that I should write a book for all of the things that have happened in my life. I certainly don't feel as though that is something that anyone would want to read. Through tragedy I have persevered. What do I mean by that? I have made through the long day of work, I have made it through the interesting month, and I have survived the intense year.
Work is an every day thing; I do it because I have to, as many people do. I do it to support myself and my daughter because I am too proud to ask for help.
I've made this far through the month because it is the sixth month of relearning, at one heck of a learning curve. And I've survived the year because this year my entire world was turned upside down. Earlier this year my husband passed away from cancer. It was a difficult battle to partake in and it has changed me forever as a person. I don't feel the need to feel sorry for myself every day because I have every reason NOT to. In a month I will be celebrating my daughters first birthday. In three, I will have the best company while cooking Thanksgiving dinner, and in four, Christmas with all of our wonderful family. Granted, in the midst of that there are many dates that I wish I didn't have to remember, but I will and it will be for the best.
Earlier today I read an article in the New York Times about people dealing with other peoples crises. It was 100% accurate on how others around you seem to fall away and give empty words to you in attempt to comfort because of lack of not knowing what else to do. It's not so apparent when you are in the moment, but when you take time to reflect on what has happened you begin to see everything that has happened. It is not that your closest friends want to stray, but they do not know how to react. Sometimes they still don't know how to react when time has gone by. And I'm beginning to think that, whether time has passed or not, it never changes. The reality is it makes those people uncomfortable. They cannot even begin to fathom what is happening or how to even deal with it. I have been asked numerous times how I'm not a mess every day and how I can have a positive attitude. I know its because I have faith in what has been set in front of me. None of which is expected, but inevitably will happen. There is a reason for why all of this has happened - I just hope I can put it to use eventually.
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